Funny Baseball Quotes
by: Aron Wallad

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.
- Earl Wilson

When they start the game, they don't yell, "Work ball." They say, "Play ball."
- Willie Stargell, 1981

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.
- Woody Allen

A baseball park is the one place where a man's wife doesn't mind his getting excited over somebody else's curves.
- Brendan Francis

There have been only two geniuses in the world. Willie Mays and Willie Shakespeare.
- Tallulah Bankhead

Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.
- Dick Gregory

What does a mama bear on the pill have in common with the World Series? No cubs.
- Harry Caray

Confucius say: Baseball wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.
- Author Unknown

With the money I'm making, I should be playing two positions.
- Pete Rose, 1977

Andre Dawson has a bruised knee and is listed as day-to-day. Aren't we all?
- Vin Scully

Cricket is baseball on valium.
- Robin Williams

Finish last in your league and they call you Idiot. Finish last in medical school and they call you Doctor.
- Abe Lemons

The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing.
- Dizzy Dean

I managed a team that was so bad we considered a 2-0 count on the batter a rally.
- Rich Donnelly, minor league manager

Let no one accuse baseball of not being tough on drugs. During his baseball career, Steve Howe was given 7 lifetime suspensions.
- Bill Ferraro, baseball fan.

I could never play in New York. The first time I came into a game there, I got into the bullpen car and they told me to lock the doors.
- Mike Flanagan, Baltimore Orioles

On his own scouting report: "Very deceptive. Slower than he looks.
- Joe Garagiola

A lot of things run through your head when you're going in to relieve in a tight spot. One of them was, 'Should I spike myself ?
- Lefty Gomez

Three more saves and he ties John the Baptist.
- Hank Greenwald, on Bruce Sutter